Of late: September Musings

1/ Beautiful relic from the past. In their late 20's here!   2/ Birthday flowers that STAYED ALIVE FOR ONE MONTH.

3/ How I get through my week without crying     4/ A parcel in the mail for our newest friend

5/ Time to admit it's Fall    6/ My first seed babies are teenagers now

7/ Almond milk london fog= my study drug   8/ B makes the best brunches, really.

Of late...(literally, late! Sorry.)

September was// a complete 180 from all the months that preceded it. 

To go from wide open vacation summer to Adulthood with a capital A is a lot. It was new and a bit scary in my heart, but as usual, my brain was a champ and I folded myself into the batter of Grad School fairly well, though some parts are still lumpy. 

September taught me to recognize my limits-- I thought I could teach M-F, go to school two evenings a week and surf an online course to boot, but I can't. Not without some collateral damage. This is the beginning of an interesting 2+ yr journey, and I suspect that each month I will be saying to you that I've been trying to learn how to scale back, to balance, to say no to the world more, and no to myself less. 

Hold me to it, if you want.

Feelings?// All of them. All day long. Yours, mine, his, hers, everyone's. 

I guess that's par for the course in a counselling program. However: despite being a super sensitive feely person, I actually identify with being a thinker more. In crisis, in heartache, in transition, it has always been my brain that races to the scene of pain, my brain that tries to triage with its tools of worrying, processing, analyzing. 

What this means is that I have an easier time telling you the why than the how. How I'm doing. How anyone's doing. Sometimes in counselling sessions I blank, and I struggle to come up with the feeling word of what was just said. 

So. Practice.

This month, I felt overwhelmed. I felt excited. I felt annoyed (very often). I felt indignant. I felt anxious. I felt lonely. I felt proud. I felt very human.

Body// is dynamic. It changes as I change and talks to me everyday. Somedays we are limber and tall. Somedays we are frightened, and our belly hurts. Somedays I am stressed and my neck aches. 

For the most part, it has been strong and has allowed me to do the 1000 things I have to do. Thank you for that.

Why you frown?// Living in a 100 year old house brings all the drama-milkshakes to the yard. And they're like, I'm more righteous than yours. And I'm like damn right, now shut the heck up.

Also, the election. I am terrified.

Also also, when aphids try to overtake my nasturtiums. 

:) List // Sol y Limon's veggie burrito and chorizo con huevos burrito that saves our lives, on the nights we can't feed ourselves. Wandering to Trout Lake on the night of the super moon AKA mid-autumn festival with the family, and watching fire dancers. My girlfriends. When someone validates your feelings instead of trying to fix your life. My bus pass. Binge watching Orphan Black and Scandal. Groceries being delivered to my door. Wearing heels to work. Husband/best friend in one person.

$$// Europe took a nice nick out out of the pockets, obviously. And then the first instalment of tuition gauged it some more. Both events we had planned for, so we are fine.

But, we are also in austere mode, as September was a slower work month for us both, and buckling down on unnecessary spending has been a way to trim the fat. No fancy eating for us this past month. My hope is that in the coming ones we get back to saving 30% of our income, a figure that makes me feel safe, and one that also makes me feel so very grateful that some months we have the ability and privilege to squirrel it away.  #livingwageforallcanadians

Hair and Toes// Still diggin' the short; red-orange. 

Reading // Textbooks and articles. :( Please read for leisure while thinking of me, and I will live vicariously through you. 

Upcoming// More and more and more. Assignments, responsibilities, everything. I'm sorry in advance if we don't get to connect as much as we used to. If you are patient, I will come out of my hole to play sometimes, to take a breath. Be waiting for me!

Love always,

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